Bert is so hairy, when we’re in bed together I feel like I’m in a forest. It’s gross. He can’t even hide it well under clothes because his chest and neck hair pokes through his shirt collar, and on hot days the hair on his legs continues on down the shorts. I don’t know how he doesn’t overheat in that thing, it’s like wearing a rug. Sometimes I watch men on TV with hairless chest and I think, ‘Gee, I wish Bert looked like that.’ But the problem is, how do I tell him?
I think he’d be open to getting laser hair removal. Ballarat clinics cater to men’s needs and not just women’s so there’s no shame in that. The problem is that I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I think he likes his furry bear hair. It makes him feel macho and manly. I think he thinks that women like to too, and maybe he’s right. I’ve heard some women say they like hairy men and some say they don’t. Probably depends on the decade too and what’s in fashion, like being hairy was really “in” in the seventies. Bert would’ve been a Casanova back then.
You’d think that a husband and wife can be completely honest with each other but that’s not true. You still have to tiptoe around each other’s feelings even in holy matrimony. A friend of mine told his partner that she ought to get eyebrow tattooing, Ballarat clinicians can give your face more definition. But I think that my friend and his partner have that sort of relationship. Not me and Bert though, we’re more sensitive. Like for instance, if he told me he wanted me to lose weight, I’d probably cry. I know I have a full figure but it’s genetic okay! I mean, I tried cutting back on greasy food and sweets for like a week and it did nothing, so clearly it’s not my fault.